Devoted
by Servatia
Summary: Rather graphic slash, Hirad/Ilkar. Rated M, I mean it. More about time and placement is in there. Title's from the Lacuna Coil song.


_This is what happens when I'm on sick leave with pneumonia and spend hours reading and listening to Lacuna Coil. Sometimes the way my brain works makes me wonder. Well, I never wanted to write this and I do apologise. Almost._

_Anyway, this would have been part of a larger bit of Raven Fan-fiction, had I not decided to change a few details that will not let this happen. Well, not in this fashion anyway. What I'm trying to say is that I do still plan to write that text, but I have a huge problem: I cannot decide if it will be after Demonstorm or after Ravensoul. First I thought the latter, as is obvious in this one. Now I'm considering disregarding Ravensoul and the Garonin entirely. I don't know, I don't get them. I liked Ravensoul all right, but the Garonin … I'm not sure if they convince me as a concept._

_Well, as long as I don't really know that, I cannot properly get started. My current problem is that I really want to start directly after Demonstorm, but I have no clue how to go from there. I would know how to go from after Ravensoul, but then I would have to deal with Ulandeneth, which creeps me out in all the ways possible. No, really, the thing gives me nightmares, literally. I don't even know why, it's not like it's described as an evil place, but … dear me. I'm rambling._

_Anyway, before I start that, I need to re-read at least the first six books, so that'll take a bit._

_Ϡ_

_My first idea was a kind of a relationship between the two that lasts until some point before Nightchild, with the result that Ilkar goes to Julatsa alone and Hirad stays with his dragons. (Let's face it, at that point no hunter could have got them, could they?) I imagined some sort of altercation, for whatever reasons, and then, later, this. I have to put this so completely out of context because I refuse to dream up one just for the hell of it, and I need the one I had for the other thing when it finally does happen. I also refuse to remove the reference to Elfsorrow, it was meant as after (long after, obviously) and it is certainly not some sort of spirit sex I'm thinking of here but a very physical encounter, I'd assume in Ulandeneth (see me shudder!). (These afterlife things tend to pop up in Harry Potter fics, sometimes, but that absolutely squicks me, for some reason. I mean, nothing against undead sex, it's the spirit bit that makes me cringe.) I considered taking this back a few years, but then it would either not be a reunion, or it would not be at all because it … just wouldn't - no later than Nightchild in any case, not without ignoring an entire character._

_Ϡ_

_Warnings: Slash, mature content, so if you take offence by either, leave now._

* * *

><p>Hirad's eyes were wide with lust. Half of his mind still couldn't believe this was happening, the other half wanted nothing more than to envelop the elf in his arms, turn him onto his back, and plunge into him. But he couldn't do that. It had been ages since Ilkar had been with a man, and he would certainly hurt him with such a crude approach. Also, he wanted to savour this moment, their reunion. This was not to be done in a hurry. So he lay on the bed, his hips moving involuntarily as Ilkar kissed him, laving his way down his chest to his abdomen. When he felt those lips on his sex, he groaned, drawing a chuckle from the other man.<p>

'Needy, are we?' Ilkar asked him, brushing the back of his hand along his length. 'It's certainly been a while.' Hirad merely grunted in reply, not trusting himself with coherent speech. He propped himself up on his elbows to be able to see Ilkar's face better in the light of two candles, far enough away to be in no danger from any limb that might end up in their direction.

The elf's eyes locked onto his, and very slowly he took his tip into his mouth and sucked. Hirad's hands dug into the sheets as he watched the elf making love to him with his mouth. He was about to warn him to take it easy, but when he felt a moist tongue circling around his tip his hips bucked and he spilled into Ilkar's mouth.

'Well, I'll take that as a compliment,' the elf said after a few moments. He had withdrawn quickly, avoiding to get his face sprayed, and was now massaging Hirad gently.

'I'm so sorry,' the barbarian rasped, looking absolutely wretched. It was all too much. His facial expression showed a mixture of shame and dread as if he had accidentally killed someone. Ilkar didn't _mean_ to laugh at Hirad, at least not at the reason for his over the top anguish, but he was too comfortable to even try to stop himself. Hirad's expression changed quickly to frustration, and he sobered. He reached out to him, but Hirad was already on his feet and ready to get dressed and leave.

'Come back here,' Ilkar said softly. Hirad glared at him.

'To be laughed at some more?' he asked, his face turning red. 'I think I'll pass.' Ilkar remained on the bed, looking up to the other man.

'I laughed at the gormless look on your face, not at what happened,' he said truthfully. 'You'd have laughed too, if you'd seen yourself.' Hirad snorted. 'So now you've had your fun you're just going to leave.' The barbarian froze.

'You mean …' A slow smile formed on his face. 'Gods, I can be a bastard.' Ilkar merely shrugged and offered a wry grin. Hirad walked back to the bed and sat down beside Ilkar. The mage cupped his face with both hands and kissed him gently. Hirad lay down and pulled him with him. 'You know what, I think this is actually a good thing. Gives me the opportunity for something I've long wanted and always was too cowardly.' Ilkar raised his eyebrows.

'That sounds worrying,' he said. Hirad's hand was stroking him expertly, but he had a clear advantage over the other man. Learning magic required control of bodily functions that were normally very hard or even impossible to influence at will. He would not come when he didn't want to.

'I want to feel what you feel when I'm in you,' the warrior said softly. Ilkar swallowed hard and was glad for his training.

'You sure?' he asked. Hirad didn't answer but turned onto his back. Slightly nervously, Ilkar sat beside him.

'This will be easier for you if you kneel,' he told him hoarsely.

'It won't, because I won't be able to watch you,' the barbarian replied. Ilkar took a deep, steadying breath. He grabbed the cover and folded it up.

'Lift your back,' he said, and Hirad obliged, letting the elf push the makeshift pillow under him. Hirad angled his legs, feeling rather exposed. His discomfort didn't last long. Ilkar sat between his legs, caressing the insides of his thighs, before moving his left hand down to his entrance. Eyes on his face again, he started massaging the muscle gently until he felt it loosen enough to slip in a finger. 'Tell me if you're uncomfortable, Hirad,' Ilkar told him, and the other man nodded. Hirad was going to do no such thing, of course, and he wasn't sure he liked this yet, but that was probably his nerves. He felt a slight tingling sensation.

'Are you using magic on me?' he asked, forgetting his tension for the moment.

'I thought I'd help you relax,' the mage told him. 'Should I not?' Hirad smiled.

'You can do that, can't you?' he asked. 'Just relax that muscle at will.' Ilkar nodded. 'Help me do it, then.' Ilkar pushed in a second finger without much resistance. He started fingering Hirad a little faster, stretching him in the process. He pushed in deep, feeling for the nub he knew was there. He found it and pressed. Hirad's back arched and a moan that was almost a shout came from him. 'Gods, do that again,' he panted, and Ilkar obliged. Once more, he let some mana flow into the touch, and the muscle loosened and didn't start clenching him again.

'Last chance to change your mind,' he warned him, withdrawing his hand and positioning himself. Hirad was once again hard, he noticed.

'Go ahead,' was all the barbarian managed. He could feel the pressure and tensed involuntarily.

'Relax, my love,' Ilkar whispered, leaning over him. Their lips touched, and Ilkar's tongue flickered over them. Hirad opened his mouth and greeted Ilkar with his own tongue. Ilkar was gently pushing against him, and he felt him slipping in by a fraction of an inch more with every careful nudge. Hirad focused on the tongue dancing with his, and suddenly, he felt how Ilkar slid into him. He felt some discomfort but no pain as he had half expected. Ilkar looked at him. 'Are you all right?' he asked softly, remaining completely still. Hirad just managed a nod. 'Tell me if you want me to stop,' he said gently, caressing the face of the barbarian.

'Don't you dare,' Hirad said. He lifted his arms and brushed his hands down Ilkar's sides. Now he felt sure the worst was over, and this could only get better. He still half doubted if he was going to enjoy this, but at least it didn't hurt. His hands reached Ilkar's hips, and he pulled him slowly closer. Ilkar let him decide the pace. 'Good to feel so much life in you,' the barbarian said. He shuddered at the thought that had come to his mind unbidden, the sight of his elf dead on the ground, and he wrapped his arms tightly around him, collapsing the elf so that he was lying on top of his chest. Ilkar smiled.

'Good to feel so alive,' he returned and started to move slowly, always watching Hirad's face for signs of pain. After a few tentative thrusts he felt Hirad moving in time with him.

'I've certainly made worse experiences,' the warrior informed him. Ilkar snorted.

'Great, that's a wonderful compliment, Hirad,' he said. 'Although I liked the first one better, I must admit.' Hirad's lips turned up, presenting Ilkar with that unrivalled, outrageous smile that at this moment spoke of complete happiness and ease.

'It's actually starting to feel good, Ilks, really good,' he told him. That surprised Ilkar, but his heart swelled with joy and with love for the man underneath him. He propped himself up and reached down between them, stroking Hirad lightly. The eyes of the other man closed, and he rocked against him, encouraging him.

'You feel good, too,' Ilkar informed him. Unable to stop himself, he increased his pace. The moan that came from Hirad confirmed that he was actually beginning to enjoy himself. Strong legs wrapped around his hips, improving the angle and allowing him to enter all the way. 'Sure this isn't too much?' Ilkar asked, taking control of himself and changing to a slow grinding motion.

'Don't stop,' Hirad said simply, opening his eyes again. With his pupils dilated, mouth slightly open, and sweat beading on his forehead, he was the most erotic thing Ilkar had ever seen. The elf groaned and resumed his thrusts, Hirad now slamming himself upwards and against him with enthusiasm. He felt him twitch in his hands and rubbed him hard in time with their movements.

Ilkar forced his eyes to remain open, but not because he wanted to see pain if it came. He very much doubted that was going to happen. But the truth was, mage or no, he wasn't going to last much longer, and he wanted to wait for Hirad. Allowing his eyes to close he would intensify the feeling, and that wouldn't make this easier. He knew that he would probably lose some control when he reached his climax, and the best way to make sure that Hirad didn't tense up at that time was to make him lose that control with him. Knowing how Hirad beat, that wasn't going to be difficult. He knew he had always been withdrawn at their encounters, and he regretted that deeply because it had hurt Hirad. He just had to make sure his lover knew he was right there with him now. He kissed Hirad wildly.

'I want to come inside you,' he breathed. 'I want to shoot all the bottled up desire right into you.' Hirad stared at him. 'Do you want that, Hirad?' The barbarian merely nodded, eyes fixed on his. 'Tell me what you want,' he whispered, massaging Hirad expertly. Hirad licked his lips, and Ilkar prepared for the kind of dirty talk that turned green apples into red ones.

Hirad got the message all right. But there was really no need for Ilkar to prove he really lusted for him. That was obvious enough. Stormy eyes fixed on hazel ones, he decided this entire moment was absolutely perfect. Finally he remembered that Ilkar had wanted him to say something. 'I love you, Ilks,' was all that came out of his mouth.

The words clashed around Ilkar's head like the toll of a huge bell. Hirad had never, not once, said that before, or anything similarly affectionate. A moan built deep in his stomach and he lost his restraint completely. His eyes were still wide open, looking incredulously at the barbarian, while his release washed over him. Hirad just smiled, his entire face slick with sweat by now, and with a much less violent surge than the first time, he came. Ilkar felt the fluid running over his hand just when his own climax started to ebb. Transfixed, he watched Hirad arch under him, watched how that smile remained firmly in place all the time. When Hirad stilled, he let himself sink on top of his chest and sighed. 'Gods burning, you nearly killed me,' he said. Propping his chin up on Hirad's collar bone, he grinned at him. 'And I love you too, Coldheart. But of course, you know that.'


End file.
